Not long after moving out of Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Long Island, we moved to a small garden apartment in Queens. Alley Pond Park Garden Apartments in Bayside NY.
I might have been somewhat happier living in the house with Grandma and Grandpa. I don’t recall but I can’t recall a whole lot about my time in the garden apartments either, or I should say, I can’t recall a lot of happy times in those apartments.
I think Uncle Walter was maybe running the place? Maybe collecting rent for the owners? He did have an apartment in the same area too. Oh……….., Uncle Walter, he was Joe’s older brother, then it’s Joe and then Aunt Linda, the only girl and as I’ve said in earlier posts, Jeffrey who is the baby of the family, 20 years after Joe.
My life at the Garden Apartments was more one of watching the boys mainly. It was my main job. That’s not to say I wasn’t allowed my playtime but with my playtime came watching the boys too. I was their little mother. I got them up and dressed, I got them snacks, fixed their lunches, broke up their arguments, fixed their hurts, played with them, even if I didn’t want to. I felt like they were glued to me. The parents got their cuddle time in with them, I just felt like I got all the rest.
We lived on the second floor of a two floor walk up.
My time in the garden apartments?……. I’m beginning to remember a lot of it lately. I remember there were kids I played with there. I remember Jodi and her two older brothers Larry and Todd (I didn’t play with them, they were much older). I remember Jodi had a giant fish tank in her apartment. I remember Mona who lived with just her mom. There was also Adam Grandolfo. He too just lived with his mom. Jodi, I think was younger than me but she was the one I played with most. She had dark brown hair and was short and pudgy and I can’t remember much of what we played but we did write a song once. It was a good one too and I have tried many times to remember at least what it was about, but it’s all gone. Mona was around Jodi’s age and she had long silvery blond hair. I remember her mom was always meditating. It was the early 70’s and she was a hippie mom, incenses and meditations and she always meditated right there in the living room with with her front door open. One day, we played a game of “Dare”. I was maybe 8 or 9 years old and I was dared to walk into Mona and her mom’s apartment while her Mom meditated in the middle of the living room floor. So, quietly I stepped one foot in and out, but of course that wasn’t enough for anyone. I had to walk in a little further. My heart is pounding and I am scared shitless but of course I do it. Then it became a bigger game of who can walk in the furthest and out without getting caught. I can’t remember what happened or if anything, I just know, remembering it now how terrified I was. I’m laughing to myself now at what stupid things little kids do to themselves.
It’s funny the stupid crazy things you remember, when you give yourself a chance to look back. I remember Adam Grandalfo because one time when he was sitting on the cement walk by the big bushes in front of the apartment I lived in, I accidentally pinched a piece of his butt by stepping too close to where he was sitting. LOL!!!!!! He punched my leg but I think I laughed more than I was hurt because it was so funny how he yelped out. lol
When we first moved into those apartment buildings, I remember we had moved into the second floor apartment first. I remember the brightness of the rooms. I remember being made to sit down while Joe and Mom told me what was in store for me the following day. I was told that I would be seeing an important man in his big office and that this man would be asking me questions and I had to answer the questions honestly, and then I was told a story and this is the story I was told……
******** It was a very long time ago when Mom was still very young. Joe sits me down and begins to tell me what I’m thinking is going to be a fairy tale story. A pillow case was thrown over my mother’s head when she was a young woman still living with her parents. She was carried out, having been kidnapped and taken away. I was told that she was held a prisoner, beaten many times. He even made her show me the mark on her neck where she had fallen into a table and the corner of the table had punctured her neck causing horrible bleeding. I was told she had been repeatedly raped and that was how I came to be. He said that was why we would be going to see this man in the morning because he was going to adopt me and give me his name. He said the man was going to ask me if I wanted him (Joe) to be my dad since I didn’t have one. I was 7 or 8 years old. What do I know? I said “Okay” and that was that, off to play I went. ************
I remember a few more incidents in the upper floor apartment. When you give yourself time to think about things, I guess a lot comes back to you whether you want them to or not.
A not so pleasant memory comes back to me remembering the bright lights coming from the windows of that top floor apartment. I had just finished my first week of the new school and I remember Joe sitting in front of me asking how school was. I started talking about a class “friend” I met at school that I got along with and as I went on with whatever story I was telling, he interrupted me and said “classmate” . I said “yeah my class friend” and he said it again….”classmate”. I just wanted to tell him my story and I couldn’t quite get the word out and he wouldn’t let me continue until I said the word “classmate”. By now, I’m getting scared because his voice continues to get louder and louder and sounding madder and madder. My eyes begin to tear up and I couldn’t help it, I start to cry. It was a mistake to cry. “WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT!!!!! JUST SAY IT!!!! SAY CLASSMATE!!!! I cried even harder.
So many things you begin to remember when those flood gates to memory lane open. Things that mean absolutely nothing. Things that could mean everything. Things buried deep. Things that scar you forever.
LiesSecretsLettersUnwritten 